Man Refuses to House In-Laws Again After They Trash His Home in Recent Stay, Wife Calls Him Heartless: 'Family comes first'

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Oct 9, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

Welcome, web-surfing women. Hosting family friends in your home can be a really fun and rewarding experience. You get to show off the best and coziest version of your house, reciprocate any hospitality your guests may have shown you before, and make them feel special in your care. However, some of the people closest to us can turn out to be terrible guests. Some are noisy, take advantage of your hospitality, leave messes, expect you to act like a servant, or overstay their welcome.

Finding out that someone you love is a menace in shared spaces can lead to uncomfortable situations, as was the case in our story today, wherein our protagonist became fed up with his in-laws' messy habits and out-of-control children during a 2-week stay that eventually turned into a 4-month stay-cation. Our protagonist thought all was said and done once they left, but when they came crawling back, asking for another 'short stay,' during a rough patch, he put his foot down, leading to tension between him, his wife, and her whole family. Get the full story down below.

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  • 01
    r/Amlthe u/SpicyBaby31 • 3h AITA for refusing to let my in-laws stay with us after they trashed my house last time?
    via u/SpicyBaby31
  • 02
    So here's the situation. A couple of years ago, my wife's (F34) brother (John, M36) and his wife (Sarah, F35) were going through a rough patch and needed a place to stay for a few weeks while they figured things out. My wife, being the caring person she is, asked me (M37) if they could stay with us temporarily, and I agreed because family is family, right?
    via u/SpicyBaby31
  • 03
    Well, the "few weeks" turned into nearly four months. During that time, they completely took advantage of our hospitality. John treated our house. like it was his own personal man cave, leaving trash everywhere and never helping with chores. Sarah wasn't much better-she kept "borrowing" things from our kitchen and bathroom without asking and never replaced anything. Our guest room looked like a tornado hit it when they finally left.
    via u/SpicyBaby31
  • 04
    The worst part? They had two kids (5 and 7 at the time), and while I get that kids can be a handful, they were out of control. They would run through the house at all hours, break things, and scream over every little disagreement. My wife and I repeatedly asked John and Sarah to rein their kids in, but it always fell on deaf ears.
    via u/SpicyBaby31
  • 05
    After they moved out, it took us weeks to clean up the mess they left behind, and we even had to replace some broken furniture. My wife apologized, and we agreed that we wouldn't put ourselves through that again.
    via u/SpicyBaby31
  • 06
    Fast forward to now: John and Sarah are once again having issues and asked if they could stay with us "for a little while" while they figure things out (again). My wife immediately said yes, but I put my foot down and said absolutely not. I reminded her of the disaster that was their last stay and told her I wasn't willing to go through that again, especially since they hadn't apologized or acknowledged how badly they treated our home the last time.
    via u/SpicyBaby31
  • 07
    My wife is upset, saying I'm being heartless and that family comes first. She thinks I should give them another chance and says I'm overreacting. But I feel like I'm just setting boundaries. We have two kids of our own, and I don't want them to have to deal with the chaos that John and Sarah always seem to bring.
    via u/SpicyBaby31
  • 08
    Now my wife is giving me the cold shoulder, and her family thinks I'm the bad guy for not helping out in "a time of need." So, AITA for refusing to let my in-laws stay with us after they trashed my house last time? 1,554 ☐ 440 1 ☑
    via u/SpicyBaby31
  • 09
    loverlyone 3h • Professor Emeritass [97] "Family comes first." You're family too, right? Don't do it. I had a similar situation with a cousin. He left a terrible mess after he left. My partner talked me into letting him back and, 4 years later, I'm still mad about the mess he left and the way we were treated. NTA ... Reply 1.9k
    via u/loverlyone
  • 10
    SpicyBaby31 OP. 3h well this makes me feel so much more sure of my answer, if it has happened once, it will happen again. 686
    via u/SpicyBaby31
  • 11
    darin_worthington • 3h Fire back at the people who think that you should take them in again with: "How about giving them some space in Your house?" 500
    via u/darin_worthington
  • 12
    Plastic-Chest67 • 1h Exactly! If Family comes 1st, OP needs to take care of HIS family, and protect his kids from 2 cousins that have no boundaries. "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." Have a heart-to-heart with the spouse. Find alternate arrangements for the other family. See if the rest of the family can pitch-in to pay for a place, because after the trashing they gave your home, they're not welcome to stay. 183
    via u/Plastic-Chest67
  • 13
    NaughtyBaby92 • 3h You are NTA for refusing to let your in-laws stay again after the way they disrespected your home the last time. Setting boundaries, especially after such a negative experience, is perfectly reasonable. John and Sarah not only overstayed their welcome but treated your house carelessly, leaving you with a mess and damaged property. They also ignored your requests to control their kids' behavior.
    via u/NaughtyBaby92
  • 14
    You gave them a chance before, and they took advantage of your hospitality without acknowledging or apologizing for the trouble they caused. Your refusal now isn't about being heartless; it's about protecting your home, your sanity, and your children from a repeat of that chaos. Family may come first, but that doesn't mean you need to tolerate disrespect in your own home. You're just ensuring your family-including your own kids-has a peaceful, stable environment. Boundaries are healthy, and you'
    via u/NaughtyBaby92
  • 15
    Spicy Baby31 OP • 3h exactly, and my wife doesnt see that somehow. she thinks im being mean when im just trying to protect my house and my family ... Д 141
    via u/SpicyBaby31
  • 16
    Disruptorpistol • 3h Aficionado [11] NTA of course. What in the world is wrong with your wife? Does she routinely make decisions that will affect you without consulting you? I can't imagine being so thoughtless toward my spouse. Reply 282
    via u/Disruptorpistol
  • 17
    Spicy Baby31 OP. 3h she often never consults me about decisions that involve me, that is one of the things that annoys me the most Д 136
    via u/SpicyBaby31
  • 18
    Leading-Anybody7240 • 3h This is on you for letting her treat you that way.. Talk to her or walk away.. Because she is going to continue to be like this.. Do you want this for the rest of your life? Nta. 57
    via u/Leading-Anybody7240
  • 19
    Lyzab77 • 3h Enthusiast [5] NTA, her family considers you are the bad guy? Why don't they help? They can give them money or take them in their house. Not enough place? One child with mummy in a house, the other with daddy in the other house. Problem solved. Not your problem! You helped them for 4 months and you received nothing but a disaster! They were disrespectful and you deserve better. It's a two yes situation and you said no. So she can't let them come in. Maybe time to take a front door c
    via u/Lyzab77
  • 20
    Spicy Baby31 OP. 3h everyone seems to forget about me letting them in the first time as soon as i refuse the second, they are all so unappreciative. 75
    via u/SpicyBaby31
  • 21
    Allaboutbird • 3h Supreme Court Just- [112] NTA. You mutually agreed that this wouldn't happen again and she decided to break that agreement by offering them a place to stay. It's your home too. She's in the wrong. Reply 125
    via u/Allaboutbird
  • 22
    NTA catskilkid 3h Professor Emeritass [77] The last refuge of a scoundrel is the family is family line (as long as it's used to their advantage and not against them). If they apologized, if they took some actions to show they cared, HECK EVEN APPRECIATED your prior help, they'd have a leg to stand on with a guilt trip. But it is YOUR HOME as well. This takes two yes votes, not just one. Notice the rest of the family does not seem to be offering these "family"members any help, so they get NO (0.0
    via u/catskilkid
  • 23
    Spicy Baby31 OP. 3h yep, all of their family have actually refused letting them stay with them, but im still made out as the bad guy ← 64
    via u/SpicyBaby31
  • 24
    MistressLiliana • 3h Certified Proctologist [26] NTA. let them go stay with the family that is giving you a hard time. Reply ☆ ↑ 60 ↓
    via u/MistressLiliana
  • 25
    Spicy Baby31 OP • 3h the worst part is, they have refused because "they dont have enough space" but still somehow make me seem like the bad guy for refusing too ... ☆ 39
    via u/SpicyBaby31

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